07/02/2009...

This words arent easy for me to say...
I thought that i couldnt live without u, that i would probably be miserable and blue for the rest of my life if i ever let u go...
I am miserable...
I am blue...
Ive been ever since in my heart this that we had died...
I feel lost...
Insecure...
Alone...
U hurt me...
Pushed me away when i needed u the most...
U made blind eyes to what was going on in my insides...
Im crushed...
Now in all alone...

In the middle of a crying river

Im just so sad, i cry in the dark, cry myself to sleep every night...
Sometimes i pray god and beg him to take me away from here...
Im so sick of feeling like this, all this pain bottled up inside...
Sometimes i think im gonna blow up and die...
I lie to cover up my feelings, my thoughts, sometimes i just ask for excuse and cry behind closed doors...
Im sinking in depression, swimming in a pool of pain and lies, using a perfect little mask saying im alright...
This is my reality, im so fucking sad, all i wanna do is cry...
Cry for days, weeks, months...maybe a whole year.
All i wanna do is, disappear.

I Am Not Dead

I was channel surfing and heard this in a movie, fell in love with it...here it is.


Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep...
I am a thousand winds that blow...
I am the diamond glints on snow...
I am the sunlight on ripened grain...
I am the gentle autumn's rain...

When you awaken in the morning's hush...
I am the swift uplifting rush of soaring birds in circled flight...
I am the star that shines at night...

Do not stand at my grave and cry...

I am not there, I did not die...

The End

Look at me…

Look at what uve done…

Do u recognize the pieces in the floor?

Do u see that pool of blood?

That’s me…

That’s what uve done to me…

U broke my heart; lead me to commit suicide…

That much I loved u…

I was I could take back the time, wish I’ve never met u…

Come to look at it, I can’t see the good side of us being together…

U humiliated me so much…

I wanted to talk, I wanted u to be there, I needed u…

I kept looking around; searching for ur face…u weren’t there.

I’m alone, sad, flirting with death…

So sick of being ur second pick, u never took me seriously…

I’m not blind anymore, I can see the real u, and it’s not pretty.

Cut...

Cut once…

Feel the pain as it comes out.

Cut twice…

Get the teary eyes

Cut thrice…

Ull know ur really ready to cry

Cut forth…

U get hypnotized by the blood flowing…

Everytime u get another sad memory, something else that makes u wanna cut some more, drops and drops of blood coming down ur arms, u keep staring while u cry, it itches but u don’t care…u wanna do it, again again again.

What about me?

Put up a smile...
Sit back down...
Nothing is wrong, just plane, the same...
We play to be ok...
We play to be happy and sane...
I fight myself not to let the tears fall, im sick of this charade...
Sick of pretending im ok...
Ur so blind...
Pretending u love me, when u cant even stand me...
I play good girl...
Smile and sit still, while u trash everything i am...
I dont know what im doing anymore, but i know this much...
This doesnt feel good anymore...
This doesnt bring me happiness...
I maybe want off.

"Everything I'm Not"

This is a song i dedicate to someone that refuses to love me as i am, i cant be "normal" im just me...

Oh no
Don't go changing
That's what you told me from the start
Thought you where something different
That's when it all just fell apart
Like you're so perfect
And I can't measure up
Well I'm not perfect
Just all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

It's not like I need somebody
Telling me where I should go at night
Don't worry you'll find somebody
Someone to tell how to live their life
Cause your so perfect
And no one measures up
Yeah all by yourself
You're all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

Now wait a minute
Because of you
I never knew all the things that I had
Hey don't u get it
I'm not going anywhere with you tonight
Cause this is my life

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
she was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

Vi esta pelicula en el 2002, la verdad me marco, la relacion que tienen Diego Luna y Gael Garcia, genial. Excelente pelicula.


Manifiesto de los charolastras

A continuación se presenta el listado del código de honor que proponen los protagonistas:

1. No hay honor más grande que ser un charolastra.
2. Cada quien puede hacer de su culo un papalote.
3. Pop mata la poesía.
4. Un “toque” al día… la llave de la alegría.
5. No te tirarás a la vieja de otro charolastra.
6. Puto el que le vaya al América.
7. Que muera la moral y que viva la chaqueta.
8. Prohibido casarse con una virgen.
9. Puto el que le vaya al América (se repite, por que es reputo el que le va al América).
10. La “neta” es chida pero inalcanzable.

She was

She was so beautiful specially that night...
She just wanted to escape, out of that nightmare, that thing call life…
U could listen to her screaming...scratching the walls, making her nails peel off.
Her shiny eyes…shinning…u could see the white demons reflection on her tears...
Entwined in two different worlds of people she loved...
Not knowing who she could turn to, everyone's at war...
She recieved the bullets...
She tried to shoot back, but the bullets keep coming back at her...
Her delicate white dress is tainted red. why so?
Blood coming out of her pores...she feels no pain, sadness instead.
Agony…desperation…confusión…hate…love.
She wanted to be gone…

Ella...
Siempre sera un recuerdo borroso, todos dicen que la recordaran pero poco a poco la olvidaran...
Olvidaran el color de sus ojos, su voz, su vestimenta, su caminar y al final su nombre no sera mas...
Ella...
Siempre fue su sombra, la amiga de...la novia de...la chica que...
Nunca fue importante, nunca fue tomada en cuenta...
Ella era un cero a la izquierda...
Como se sentira desvanecerse en el recuerdo?
Dejar de ser...
Todos la miraban, pero nadie nunca la vio.

Bluring thoughts in my head.

Pretending...
Smiling making sure the world doesnt suspect things arent great...
Knotting my head when someone makes a joke...
Running to the bathroom when the tears are coming out...
Making sure no one knows we dont work anymore...
Why dont u let me go?
Why dont u wanna fix it?
How can u fix something that has been broken for such a long time...
How can u fix me, so i dont cry anymore...?
How can u fix me, so i dont feel like shit ever again...?
U excuse urself for ur behaviors...
How many excuses u think i can take?
How many excuses u can pretend?

Boys Like Girls - Me, You and my Medication

I just relate a lot to this song, it captured my feelings so well...

Found my way to the highway, I don't wanna tell you the state I'm in
I've had too much to smoke, too much to drink, where have I been?
I feel like the stars are getting closer and the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin

We're all looking for something, to take away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

The way back to the right track, maybe you can help me find the door
Is it too much to ask, too much too fast, too much to ignore?
It feels like your body's getting closer but you seem so far away
Medicine make it ok

We're all looking for someone, to take away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
Can you hear it?
Can you hear me screaming?
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
I wanna hear it
Wanna hear you breathing

We're all addicted to something, that takes away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

Automatic Loveletters - Hush

I just love this song, the lyrics...really nice song.

This is as quiet as it gets
hush down now
go to sleep
we were once perfect me and you
will never leave this room

H H H Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends

This is the calming before the storm
this absolution is always incomplete
its always bittersweet

H H H Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends
H H H Hush this is where it ends

I wont make a sound so you don't wake
don't wake don't wake you don't wake you don't wake

Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends

H H H Hush this is where it ends
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends
H H H Hush this is where it ends
This is where it ends

No words...

There is nothing left inside my heart...
Everything is broken...
Everything is crushed...
There are no more tears left inside...
Im empty...
Shallow...
Ive become selfish...
Ive become nothing...
I stared at the wind...
Just sat there until something new comes my way...
Someone to save those little pieces of me...
Im shattered...

Carta a U KNOW WHO U ARE...

Creo que ya estoy lista para dejar de escribir acerca de ti, de como lo que nos une ya no funciona de como ya nuestros corazones no laten al mismo ritmo, de como estoy harta de ser la segunda a la cual saludas, de que me llames 2 horas despues de llegar aun cuando dijiste que lo harias de inmediato, de que me hables con fastidio, de que ya no te importe si me siento mal, de que me andes diciendo que no te guste como visto, de recomendarme lo que debo o no comer, de que me digas que estoy subida de peso, ya.
Llegue al limite, estoy lista para dejarte de una vez por todas, merezco ser feliz con alguien que me aprecie, di todo de mi y no recibi nada a cambio, te crees mejor que yo, crees merecer todo y no es asi lo unico que haces es exigir, nunca te mereciste todo lo que te di, te puse por encima de todo lo que es importante para mi, que lastima que me haya dado cuenta tanto tiempo despues, me siento como una tonta...
No me mereces, no mereces nada, tu actitud es lo peor te crees que estas muy por encima de todos los humanos, crees que mereces lo mejor, sabes que? Lo tenias y lo dejaste ir.