Goodbye

Today i just want to write to see if i can stop feeling like this.

Have u ever been in love and gotten ur heart broken? The worst of all its to know that the person that you love doesnt love u back but even worst when u realize that person hates u.

Today i quit, i quit on the air that makes my lungs work, i quit on my heart that pumps blood, i quit on that side of my brain that tells me that this is not ok.

Today is the day when i finally say "i cant handle this" when i finally admi that it was never real, that was never meant to be, that ull never be mine, that ur eyes will never meet, ur lips will never touch mine, ur gone. The words never mean any word u said and u broke all the promises u ever made.

I dont know how to stop feeling like i do, i dont know how to inhale air without hating myself over losing u. Every single thought i kept inside has been unleash, everything i researched for years, come back like a huge wave and know this...today is the day i say goodbye to my one and only, the one guy i ever truly loved, the one guy that took my breath away with every smile, every word, and every lie.

U broke ur promises, u broke my heart. I did everything in my power to keep u with me and u drifted away without a reason or an explanation.

George, the day i met u i never knew that u would be so important for me, i never knew i would fall for u but i did. No one has ever made me feel so happy and miserable at the same time.

All the songs, words, touch, kiss, all lies, i tried to convince me that u were uncapable of loving but in the end ur just uncapable of caring for someone, really caring.

Im heartless, lifeless, i dont want to wake up ever again.

This will be my last words, should have walked away when i had the chance but i stayed until the end and u were my end.

Call me crazy, call me psycho...i call it love, i call it desire, the word hasnt been invented.

I love u always and forever, wherever i end up.

Torned and broken im saying goodbye to the world...

Done

When i met u i never knew how important u would be for me.

U were the first of many, my first and real love, the one that always made me smile, the one that made me happy, the one that makes my heart rhythm change, the one that brought happy tears to my eyes, a reason to wake up, breath and get better.

My first heart break, this is one of the things u never get over, u occupy my mind 24/7, its like u live there.

My heart is shattered, became dust on the floor and now the wind will blow it away, i no longer have a sense and i no longer care if i breath, so watch me fall down and stay down forever.

I was made for U

Im far from perfect but this is what i have...

A heart the size of the world that beats only for u...

A million butterflies inside that only fly when ur around...

Tears that when hear ur name they wanna come out and greet u...

Arms that were mold to only fit around u...

Lips that were meant to kiss only u...

Forever urs...

K+J

The real U

I love u...

My princess...

Ur so cute...

I miss u...

I wanna kiss u...

I can imagine all the good stuff we could be together...

I like u...

Empty words, empty thoughts and feelings that u repeat over and over again.

Ur feelings are a re-run of an old love.

Why dont u take off ur mask and show us the real U?

The one that everyone knows u are and u work so hard to hide.

I know there isnt anything i can do or anybody that will prevent u from hunting again, i just dont understand how can someone that knows u fall for that.

Ur lies, thats everything u said in the past to someone else, foolish girls that think can handle a player, they cant.

In the end i hope im wrong but if i am ill smile, because while everybody else was praising u and lighting candles for u, i knew who u were.

The hunter, the reaper, the liar, deceiver, cheater hidden behind a puppy mask.

The Aftermath (The Guillotine III) Escape The Fate

I just love this song and Craig even more.

All of their bodies around me

I hear their voices inside

The battle's over

This war has been won

Visions haunt me in my dreams

Visions of what I've done

So much blood shed

Now am I worthy to come home?

My God forgive me

For all of the bodies

I've taken in battle

Oh God don't forsake me

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

Now I'm coming home

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

Now I'm coming home

I've been knee deep in water

It's time to be set free

So devastated

The damage has been done

So violated. Like I've been

Raped and left for dead

I'm lying naked

I'm lying naked on the floor

My God forgive me

For all of the bodies

I've taken in battle

All's fair in love and war

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

Now I'm coming home

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

Now I'm coming home

Yeah, I'm coming home

Yeah! I'm coming home

This is the last time I

Raise a fist to fight

Reach out your hands to me

And let's just disappear

This is the last time I

Raise a fist to fight

Reach out your hands to me

Let's just disappear

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

I'm coming...

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

Now I'm coming home

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

Now I'm coming home

Yeah, I'm coming home (ooh)

Yeah, Yeah, I'm coming home (ooh)

I'm coming home (ooh)

This is the last time I

Raise a fist to fight

Reach out your hands to me

Let's just disappear (ooh)

Let's just disappear

The Scene Aesthetic - Come What May

This is a song that has a lot of meaning for me, because regardless of how fucked up my love life has been i always find a way to pick up the little crumbling pieces of my heart and fall in love again, i always find a way to make it out alive, and always find an owner for my heart.

For the longest time I thought I'd lost the best of me
But I'll be damned if I quit now and that's for sure
All I ever wanted was for you to look at me
And know I'm all yours
Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life
Just know I'm all yours

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

I've been wondering if you could ever realize
That we're growing up so fast, and it's insane
My dear our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust
Into our young veins

Suddenly I understand everything I couldn't comprehend

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

All this time I've spent without you by my side, I dreamt about you
Saw you through the windows in my mind
Carved a home for you deep down inside my chest
And I never want to
lose such a big part of me again
... lose such a big part of me again

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

Stored Garbage

Delusional illusions are the ones i get when i lay down in my bed and see u there touching me.

I wouldnt know to begin unwrapping this dreams.

The way u stare into my eyes is like u could see my soul, the way u say my name makes me want u so much more.

I remember that day when u layed there, u sang to my ear while i cried in the pillow. U didnt know it was because of u, u didnt know what it meant to me that day.

I cant say i love u because that would be lying but my feelings the rise like an army.

Still u dont know the magnitud of them, u dont know how it feels to see u with her.

I dont spect u to be with me, but i would die happy if i could get one kiss. Those soft lips that make every single pain worthwhile. That smile, that voice, that long drive only made me wanna caress ur hair and show u what this that i have inside is, u didnt let me.

I dont know how to get u, im confused as to what i am to u yet u call everything that could happen between us stupid, because i would be the next big mistake.

How can u know that?

Your Kiss

Your kiss, the placer i get from tasting you lips.

Those eyes when they look into my soul you know your my drug.

The drug ive been fighting to leave, the drug that makes me cry myself to sleep.

You came into my life to spin my world around, wrecked what cost me so much to built, killed my sense of being.

Give me back my life, my sad happiness, my empty smile.

You wrecked my life...

Ramblings of my hangover mind

Can someone tell me why love has to hurt so much?

Isnt it supposed to make you happy and you wish u could be in that daze all ur life?

The kind of love im feeling is making me wish i was dead..

Making me wish i never fell in love with him.

He is THE ONE person that can make me happy and yet can make me suffer so much.

I know im far from being perfect, im far from being nice, but i try.

I try to be the one that he can turn to, the one who will always be there.

How does he pay me?

Pushing me away, making me hate him, making me cry.

When u love someone you work to make them happy, make them be ok.

I close my eyes and see us smiling at the begining, why it doesnt feel like this?

You were the light of my eyes, now ur the darkness of my sun, ur making me wish things that are wrong.

I love you so much it feels wrong, ive done for you what i didnt do for the rest, for the ones in my past.

Why am i writting this?, cause u wont read them...

New Year Devariations

Guess everything in life has a time and place.
My time is now and my place is my room, this is the moment in which i made the desicion.
I dont love you like i thought i did, your just an illusion of what it could be, how it could feel...being loved.
On your part sometimes it was real, but you never felt it 100%, i was your way out.
To me you were the one that said, 'hi' and had a sexy smile, beautiful eyes and the most delicious lips.
You proved that what we had wasnt strong when i needed you and you werent there. Too busy doing something that didnt involve me.
I could die right now and you wouldnt know, no one would.
I need to make a fresh start, with a new year come new desicions, and your my first one.
Im leaving you, all i need to do now is get the courage to tell it to your face.

Leaving You

Do u know what it feels to be so low that u just want to sumerge in ur sadness and die?
I do....
I dont want to feel like ur the only thing that can make me feel like happy...
I dont want to depend on a person to be happy, people die, leave, lie.
I hate myself for falling in love with you...
I wish i didnt love you, that way when u leave wouldnt hurt so much.
That way when i see the real u i wouldnt cut.
I know that in the end is going to hurt, ill be the one in pain.
I`ll be the one picking up the pieces for my broken heart.
I dont want to love u.
I hate that ive fallen in love with u.
I want to leave u, sad part is, i dont have the guts to tell u...goodbye.

Suicide Letter, yet im still alive

This is all there is left of me, an empty mattress on the floor, ownerless computer, a few dimes in the bank. Probably a mess that you all will have to pick up.
I’m sorry i wasn’t brave enough to live my life and see the end of it, with kids and a man by my side. I’m weak, im a coward, im sorry because i didn’t get to say goodbye to a bunch of people.
I guess this is where my life ended, in these 4 walls that i called home for a while now. To make a home you should have happiness inside, i was happy when you were there.
Cut by cut i kept breaking my soul, cut by cut my heart kept losing strength. Maybe where i am today im smiling up at you guys, moving on.
I loved you all while i was there, too bad that what you gave me wasn’t enough, i was too damage, too broken.
I lied to all of you, every time i put a smile on my face. I lied every time i said i loved you. You see, in order for one to love another you have to love yourself first.
I never did, i always hated who i grew up to be, a person that everybody looked down on. Even you the one reading this right now.
Your judging me, probably you didn’t even knew me, i was Karla, the weird chick, some called me emo, goth, punk, i had many names. They all tried to describe me.
No one was able to, im sad, i was the lonely girl with many friends, i was the girl that always cried herself to sleep.

That was me.

Plumb - Cut

I guess this song talks about you my struggle with self-mutilation and it has become my anthem ever since i first heard like last year, just wanted to share this with the people that actually take the time to read this blog. Enjoy!

I'm not a stranger, no I am yours, with crippled anger and tears that still drip sore.

A fragile flame aged...Is misery, and when our hearts meet, I know you see.

I do not want to be afraid, I do not want to die inside just to breathe in, I'm tired of feeling so numb, relief exists I find it when, I am cut.

I may seem crazy , or painfully shy, and these scars wouldn't be so hidden If you would just look me in the eye.

I feel alone here and cold here, though I don't want to die, but the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside.

I do not want to be afraid, I do not want to die inside just to breathe in, I'm tired of feeling so numb, relief exists I find it when, I am cut...

Pain...I am not alone, I am not alone, I'm not a stranger, no I am yours with crippled anger, and tears that still drip sore.

But I do not want to be afraid, I do not want to die inside just to breathe in, I'm tired of feeling so numb, relief exists I found it when...I was cut...

....Untitle for now.......

Here u are, uve come to say goodbye, uve come to say u tried...
My heart cracks one more time...

My pieces crumble to the floor, i press my chest, i dont feel well...

How many times can u say goodbye before my heart decides that is enough?

Im done thinking this can actually end up well...

Im done tricking myself...

I do remember those days, i do smile sometimes...

Im done!

Lonely...

I opened my eyes and wish u could be there...

The one that i loved...

Things arent so great now, everything is messed up...

Today was a rainy day, i was looking at the window when it hit me, i wont ever see u again...

Not ur eyes...

Not ur lips...

Not ur smile...

I cant bring myself to face the reality that u choosed her...

I miss u...

I miss us...

But u are not here and never will.