Innocent_bleeder

I was made for U

2011-11-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

Im far from perfect but this is what i have...

A heart the size of the world that beats only for u...

A million butterflies inside that only fly when ur around...

Tears that when hear ur name they wanna come out and greet u...

Arms that were mold to only fit around u...

Lips that were meant to kiss only u...

Forever urs...

K+J

The real U

2011-05-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

I love u...

My princess...

Ur so cute...

I miss u...

I wanna kiss u...

I can imagine all the good stuff we could be together...

I like u...

Empty words, empty thoughts and feelings that u repeat over and over again.

Ur feelings are a re-run of an old love.

Why dont u take off ur mask and show us the real U?

The one that everyone knows u are and u work so hard to hide.

I know there isnt anything i can do or anybody that will prevent u from hunting again, i just dont understand how can someone that knows u fall for that.

Ur lies, thats everything u said in the past to someone else, foolish girls that think can handle a player, they cant.

In the end i hope im wrong but if i am ill smile, because while everybody else was praising u and lighting candles for u, i knew who u were.

The hunter, the reaper, the liar, deceiver, cheater hidden behind a puppy mask.

The Aftermath (The Guillotine III) Escape The Fate

2011-05-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

I just love this song and Craig even more.

All of their bodies around me

I hear their voices inside

The battle's over

This war has been won

Visions haunt me in my dreams

Visions of what I've done

So much blood shed

Now am I worthy to come home?

My God forgive me

For all of the bodies

I've taken in battle

Oh God don't forsake me

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

I've been knee deep in water

It's time to be set free

So devastated

The damage has been done

So violated. Like I've been

Raped and left for dead

I'm lying naked

I'm lying naked on the floor

My God forgive me

For all of the bodies

I've taken in battle

All's fair in love and war

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

Yeah, I'm coming home

Yeah! I'm coming home

This is the last time I

Raise a fist to fight

Reach out your hands to me

And let's just disappear

This is the last time I

Raise a fist to fight

Reach out your hands to me

Let's just disappear

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

I'm coming...

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

I will stand right by your side

I have made it through the fight

Now I'm coming home

Yeah, I'm coming home (ooh)

Yeah, Yeah, I'm coming home (ooh)

I'm coming home (ooh)

This is the last time I

Raise a fist to fight

Reach out your hands to me

Let's just disappear (ooh)

Let's just disappear

The Scene Aesthetic - Come What May

2011-05-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

This is a song that has a lot of meaning for me, because regardless of how fucked up my love life has been i always find a way to pick up the little crumbling pieces of my heart and fall in love again, i always find a way to make it out alive, and always find an owner for my heart.

For the longest time I thought I'd lost the best of me
But I'll be damned if I quit now and that's for sure
All I ever wanted was for you to look at me
And know I'm all yours
Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life
Just know I'm all yours

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

I've been wondering if you could ever realize
That we're growing up so fast, and it's insane
My dear our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust
Into our young veins

Suddenly I understand everything I couldn't comprehend

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

All this time I've spent without you by my side, I dreamt about you
Saw you through the windows in my mind
Carved a home for you deep down inside my chest
And I never want to
lose such a big part of me again
... lose such a big part of me again

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

Stored Garbage

2011-05-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

Delusional illusions are the ones i get when i lay down in my bed and see u there touching me.

I wouldnt know to begin unwrapping this dreams.

The way u stare into my eyes is like u could see my soul, the way u say my name makes me want u so much more.

I remember that day when u layed there, u sang to my ear while i cried in the pillow. U didnt know it was because of u, u didnt know what it meant to me that day.

I cant say i love u because that would be lying but my feelings the rise like an army.

Still u dont know the magnitud of them, u dont know how it feels to see u with her.

I dont spect u to be with me, but i would die happy if i could get one kiss. Those soft lips that make every single pain worthwhile. That smile, that voice, that long drive only made me wanna caress ur hair and show u what this that i have inside is, u didnt let me.

I dont know how to get u, im confused as to what i am to u yet u call everything that could happen between us stupid, because i would be the next big mistake.

How can u know that?

Your Kiss

2011-05-09T16:59:00.000-07:00

Your kiss, the placer i get from tasting you lips.

Those eyes when they look into my soul you know your my drug.

The drug ive been fighting to leave, the drug that makes me cry myself to sleep.

You came into my life to spin my world around, wrecked what cost me so much to built, killed my sense of being.

Give me back my life, my sad happiness, my empty smile.

You wrecked my life...

Ramblings of my hangover mind

2011-01-10T08:26:00.000-08:00

Can someone tell me why love has to hurt so much?

Isnt it supposed to make you happy and you wish u could be in that daze all ur life?

The kind of love im feeling is making me wish i was dead..

Making me wish i never fell in love with him.

He is THE ONE person that can make me happy and yet can make me suffer so much.

I know im far from being perfect, im far from being nice, but i try.

I try to be the one that he can turn to, the one who will always be there.

How does he pay me?

Pushing me away, making me hate him, making me cry.

When u love someone you work to make them happy, make them be ok.

I close my eyes and see us smiling at the begining, why it doesnt feel like this?

You were the light of my eyes, now ur the darkness of my sun, ur making me wish things that are wrong.

I love you so much it feels wrong, ive done for you what i didnt do for the rest, for the ones in my past.

Why am i writting this?, cause u wont read them...

New Year Devariations

2011-01-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

Guess everything in life has a time and place.
My time is now and my place is my room, this is the moment in which i made the desicion.
I dont love you like i thought i did, your just an illusion of what it could be, how it could feel...being loved.
On your part sometimes it was real, but you never felt it 100%, i was your way out.
To me you were the one that said, 'hi' and had a sexy smile, beautiful eyes and the most delicious lips.
You proved that what we had wasnt strong when i needed you and you werent there. Too busy doing something that didnt involve me.
I could die right now and you wouldnt know, no one would.
I need to make a fresh start, with a new year come new desicions, and your my first one.
Im leaving you, all i need to do now is get the courage to tell it to your face.

Leaving You

2011-01-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

Do u know what it feels to be so low that u just want to sumerge in ur sadness and die?
I do....
I dont want to feel like ur the only thing that can make me feel like happy...
I dont want to depend on a person to be happy, people die, leave, lie.
I hate myself for falling in love with you...
I wish i didnt love you, that way when u leave wouldnt hurt so much.
That way when i see the real u i wouldnt cut.
I know that in the end is going to hurt, ill be the one in pain.
I`ll be the one picking up the pieces for my broken heart.
I dont want to love u.
I hate that ive fallen in love with u.
I want to leave u, sad part is, i dont have the guts to tell u...goodbye.

Suicide Letter, yet im still alive

2011-01-01T10:43:00.000-08:00

This is all there is left of me, an empty mattress on the floor, ownerless computer, a few dimes in the bank. Probably a mess that you all will have to pick up.
I’m sorry i wasn’t brave enough to live my life and see the end of it, with kids and a man by my side. I’m weak, im a coward, im sorry because i didn’t get to say goodbye to a bunch of people.
I guess this is where my life ended, in these 4 walls that i called home for a while now. To make a home you should have happiness inside, i was happy when you were there.
Cut by cut i kept breaking my soul, cut by cut my heart kept losing strength. Maybe where i am today im smiling up at you guys, moving on.
I loved you all while i was there, too bad that what you gave me wasn’t enough, i was too damage, too broken.
I lied to all of you, every time i put a smile on my face. I lied every time i said i loved you. You see, in order for one to love another you have to love yourself first.
I never did, i always hated who i grew up to be, a person that everybody looked down on. Even you the one reading this right now.
Your judging me, probably you didn’t even knew me, i was Karla, the weird chick, some called me emo, goth, punk, i had many names. They all tried to describe me.
No one was able to, im sad, i was the lonely girl with many friends, i was the girl that always cried herself to sleep.

That was me.

Plumb - Cut

2010-05-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

I guess this song talks about you my struggle with self-mutilation and it has become my anthem ever since i first heard like last year, just wanted to share this with the people that actually take the time to read this blog. Enjoy!

I'm not a stranger, no I am yours, with crippled anger and tears that still drip sore.

A fragile flame aged...Is misery, and when our hearts meet, I know you see.

I do not want to be afraid, I do not want to die inside just to breathe in, I'm tired of feeling so numb, relief exists I find it when, I am cut.

I may seem crazy , or painfully shy, and these scars wouldn't be so hidden If you would just look me in the eye.

I feel alone here and cold here, though I don't want to die, but the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside.

I do not want to be afraid, I do not want to die inside just to breathe in, I'm tired of feeling so numb, relief exists I find it when, I am cut...

Pain...I am not alone, I am not alone, I'm not a stranger, no I am yours with crippled anger, and tears that still drip sore.

But I do not want to be afraid, I do not want to die inside just to breathe in, I'm tired of feeling so numb, relief exists I found it when...I was cut...

....Untitle for now.......

2010-05-15T06:37:00.000-07:00

Here u are, uve come to say goodbye, uve come to say u tried...
My heart cracks one more time...

My pieces crumble to the floor, i press my chest, i dont feel well...

How many times can u say goodbye before my heart decides that is enough?

Im done thinking this can actually end up well...

Im done tricking myself...

I do remember those days, i do smile sometimes...

Im done!

Lonely...

2010-04-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

I opened my eyes and wish u could be there...

The one that i loved...

Things arent so great now, everything is messed up...

Today was a rainy day, i was looking at the window when it hit me, i wont ever see u again...

Not ur eyes...

Not ur lips...

Not ur smile...

I cant bring myself to face the reality that u choosed her...

I miss u...

I miss us...

But u are not here and never will.

2010-01-05T20:38:00.001-08:00

Picture me dead...

Six feet under, a rotting corpse...

Forget that ive ever existed...

Forget that i was always there...

Tears and sorrow, i was always by ur side and when i needed u the most u pushed me out...

Im no longer needed...

I got nothing u want...

Am a disposable heart...a heart in ur hand...

I try to make things right...

I try to pretend everything is fine...

And here ur harsh words crash my heart one more time...

I wish i could hate u but i cant, the thought of it makes me insane...

Was i really so horrible that we can even be friends?

Wording

2010-01-05T14:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i would love to pretend that i dont love u, that what we had wasnt real...

But...it was real and i did love u, whenever i think of us cant help but smile, cant help but to feel an urge to cry, i miss u, i miss my best friend the one that would always be there no matter what.

I wont deny i still miss the lover sometimes.

I wish things could go back to where it start, just us, talking and laughing i miss my best friend.

I miss our one n a half conversations on the phone talking about the past and the future, i miss us.

I wont deny that u hurt me cause u did, but i wont either deny that i hurt u cause i know i did, im sorry.

Is it too much to ask for u to love me like a friend, now that i need u the most?

I miss u, i miss us...

Hey...

2010-01-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i would love to pretend that i dont love u, that what we had wasnt real...

I wont deny i still miss the lover sometimes.

I wish things could go back to where it start, just us, talking and laughing i miss my best friend.

I miss our one n a half conversations on the phone talking about the past and the future, i miss us.

I wont deny that u hurt me cause u did, but i wont either deny that i hurt u cause i know i did, im sorry.

Is it too much to ask for u to love me like a friend, now that i need u the most?

I miss u, i miss us...

The Final

2009-12-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

Who would have said that after so many years wishing you would come your finally here...

Im not so sure that i want to be part of you...

Im not so sure that i want to be with you...

Never thought that this part would actually hurt so much, saying goodbye isnt easy...

Saying goodbye it doesnt seem fair...

Who knows where am i going...

Who knows when ill be gone...

Sad to know that none of them will be there...

Sad to know that no one knows.

Pensamientos

2009-11-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

Hay tantas cosas aconteciendo en estos momentos que seria un hit si pudiera traducirlas a poesia, palabras, pero no puedo.

Tantas lagrimas que he derramado a lo largo de estas semanas que me es imposible llorar mas, ahora solo me siento en mi soledad a pensar en las cosas que han pasado y en que he hecho yo para merecer todo esto.

Me han premiado con saber que la persona que mas amo en el mundo me dejo, me dejo por que es incapaz de decir lo que realmente siente, me dejo por que es incapaz de tomar una decision definitiva, quiero odiarlo con todo mi ser pero no puedo, de tan solo pensarlo se me va el aliento y me duele el pecho.

Si puediera regresar al pasado y aconsejarme dejarlo antes de amarlo tanto lo hubiera hecho, no entiendo, como puedes prometerme el mundo y despues dejarme como si nada, como puedes pedir tiempo para pensar si de veras me amas?

Como puedes repetir cosas que dije hace tiempo que te lastimaron?

No entiendo como puede no importarte lo que estoy sintiendo.

Me odio por amarte, me odio por haber llegado a rogarte, me odio por que por mas que quiero no puedo odiarte.

Como puedo amar a quien no me ama?

Como puedo amar a quien me trata como si fuera nada?

Si tuviera la valentia suficiente te dejara.

Her...Me...Time

2009-10-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

I send her a message...

Here i sat waiting for her to reply...

What if i wanted to die?

What if my life depended on that reply?

Does she care enough?

I sat there and stared at the phone...

I wonder what could took her so long...

Maybe im not that important...

Maybe she doesn't care anymore...

Distance changes everything...

Distance changed her.

Short suicide story.

2009-09-18T18:14:00.001-07:00

I looked at her...

She was tired and sad...

Nothing i said made her change her mind, she was determined to finish her life...

She ran into the bathroom and lock the door...

She screamed how no one could ever understand what she was going through, how she was alone in the world...

She looked into the mirror and cry as to what she saw...

Make up smeared, hair a mess...

She was lonely and depressed...

I try knocking on the door, praying for her not to do it...

Minutes went by and then i heard the door opened...

She was there, behind her a red trace, her eyes went black and then i realize...that was the end of her life...

And THATS how i committed suicide.

Taxi! past please

2009-08-23T20:36:00.000-07:00

I wanna go back to the past...
Grab it so hard it becomes my now...
A past/present where i dont cry myself to sleep...
A place where she isnt the one in charge of me...
Somewhere i just have to pick up the phone and she will be there...
I dont like my present, and my future is looking even worst...
I miss what i was, i hate what ive become...
Nothing i do can change this...
Nothing i say will change her...
I keep going back for more, i know that in the end, this will finish as i dreamed...
Me in a coffin and u drinking away ur pain.

2009-07-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

Im free...
Free of the invisible chains u had on me.
Now i can breath, be me.
I know that im better than that, i deserve more than what u have to offer.
I deserve to be number 1...

07/02/2009...

2009-07-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

This words arent easy for me to say...
I thought that i couldnt live without u, that i would probably be miserable and blue for the rest of my life if i ever let u go...
I am miserable...
I am blue...
Ive been ever since in my heart this that we had died...
I feel lost...
Insecure...
Alone...
U hurt me...
Pushed me away when i needed u the most...
U made blind eyes to what was going on in my insides...
Im crushed...
Now in all alone...

In the middle of a crying river

2009-06-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

Im just so sad, i cry in the dark, cry myself to sleep every night...
Sometimes i pray god and beg him to take me away from here...
Im so sick of feeling like this, all this pain bottled up inside...
Sometimes i think im gonna blow up and die...
I lie to cover up my feelings, my thoughts, sometimes i just ask for excuse and cry behind closed doors...
Im sinking in depression, swimming in a pool of pain and lies, using a perfect little mask saying im alright...
This is my reality, im so fucking sad, all i wanna do is cry...
Cry for days, weeks, months...maybe a whole year.
All i wanna do is, disappear.

I Am Not Dead

2009-06-12T22:18:00.000-07:00

I was channel surfing and heard this in a movie, fell in love with it...here it is.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep...
I am a thousand winds that blow...
I am the diamond glints on snow...
I am the sunlight on ripened grain...
I am the gentle autumn's rain...

When you awaken in the morning's hush...
I am the swift uplifting rush of soaring birds in circled flight...
I am the star that shines at night...

Do not stand at my grave and cry...

I am not there, I did not die...

The End

2009-05-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

Look at me…

Look at what uve done…

Do u recognize the pieces in the floor?

Do u see that pool of blood?

That’s me…

That’s what uve done to me…

U broke my heart; lead me to commit suicide…

That much I loved u…

I was I could take back the time, wish I’ve never met u…

Come to look at it, I can’t see the good side of us being together…

U humiliated me so much…

I wanted to talk, I wanted u to be there, I needed u…

I kept looking around; searching for ur face…u weren’t there.

I’m alone, sad, flirting with death…

So sick of being ur second pick, u never took me seriously…

I’m not blind anymore, I can see the real u, and it’s not pretty.

Cut...

2009-05-22T19:08:00.000-07:00

Cut once…

Feel the pain as it comes out.

Cut twice…

Get the teary eyes

Cut thrice…

Ull know ur really ready to cry

Cut forth…

U get hypnotized by the blood flowing…

Everytime u get another sad memory, something else that makes u wanna cut some more, drops and drops of blood coming down ur arms, u keep staring while u cry, it itches but u don’t care…u wanna do it, again again again.

Worth it...???

2009-05-22T16:27:00.000-07:00

Look at me…

Look at what uve done…

Do u recognize the pieces in the floor?

Do u see that pool of blood?

That’s me…

That’s what uve done to me…

U broke my heart; lead me to commit suicide…

That much I loved u…

I was I could take back the time, wish I’ve never met u…

Come to look at it, I can’t see the good side of us being together…

U humiliated me so much…

I wanted to talk, I wanted u to be there, I needed u…

I kept looking around; searching for ur face…u weren’t there.

I’m alone, sad, flirting with death…

So sick of being ur second pick, u never took me seriously…

I’m not blind anymore, I can see the real u, and it’s not pretty.

What about me?

2009-05-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

Put up a smile...
Sit back down...
Nothing is wrong, just plane, the same...
We play to be ok...
We play to be happy and sane...
I fight myself not to let the tears fall, im sick of this charade...
Sick of pretending im ok...
Ur so blind...
Pretending u love me, when u cant even stand me...
I play good girl...
Smile and sit still, while u trash everything i am...
I dont know what im doing anymore, but i know this much...
This doesnt feel good anymore...
This doesnt bring me happiness...
I maybe want off.

"Everything I'm Not"

2009-05-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

This is a song i dedicate to someone that refuses to love me as i am, i cant be "normal" im just me...

Oh no
Don't go changing
That's what you told me from the start
Thought you where something different
That's when it all just fell apart
Like you're so perfect
And I can't measure up
Well I'm not perfect
Just all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

It's not like I need somebody
Telling me where I should go at night
Don't worry you'll find somebody
Someone to tell how to live their life
Cause your so perfect
And no one measures up
Yeah all by yourself
You're all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

Now wait a minute
Because of you
I never knew all the things that I had
Hey don't u get it
I'm not going anywhere with you tonight
Cause this is my life

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
she was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

2009-04-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

Vi esta pelicula en el 2002, la verdad me marco, la relacion que tienen Diego Luna y Gael Garcia, genial. Excelente pelicula.

Manifiesto de los charolastras

A continuación se presenta el listado del código de honor que proponen los protagonistas:

1. No hay honor más grande que ser un charolastra.
2. Cada quien puede hacer de su culo un papalote.
3. Pop mata la poesía.
4. Un “toque” al día… la llave de la alegría.
5. No te tirarás a la vieja de otro charolastra.
6. Puto el que le vaya al América.
7. Que muera la moral y que viva la chaqueta.
8. Prohibido casarse con una virgen.
9. Puto el que le vaya al América (se repite, por que es reputo el que le va al América).
10. La “neta” es chida pero inalcanzable.

She was

2009-04-22T13:54:00.000-07:00

She was so beautiful specially that night...
She just wanted to escape, out of that nightmare, that thing call life…
U could listen to her screaming...scratching the walls, making her nails peel off.
Her shiny eyes…shinning…u could see the white demons reflection on her tears...
Entwined in two different worlds of people she loved...
Not knowing who she could turn to, everyone's at war...
She recieved the bullets...
She tried to shoot back, but the bullets keep coming back at her...
Her delicate white dress is tainted red. why so?
Blood coming out of her pores...she feels no pain, sadness instead.
Agony…desperation…confusión…hate…love.
She wanted to be gone…

2009-03-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

Ella...
Siempre sera un recuerdo borroso, todos dicen que la recordaran pero poco a poco la olvidaran...
Olvidaran el color de sus ojos, su voz, su vestimenta, su caminar y al final su nombre no sera mas...
Ella...
Siempre fue su sombra, la amiga de...la novia de...la chica que...
Nunca fue importante, nunca fue tomada en cuenta...
Ella era un cero a la izquierda...
Como se sentira desvanecerse en el recuerdo?
Dejar de ser...
Todos la miraban, pero nadie nunca la vio.

Bluring thoughts in my head.

2009-03-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

Pretending...
Smiling making sure the world doesnt suspect things arent great...
Knotting my head when someone makes a joke...
Running to the bathroom when the tears are coming out...
Making sure no one knows we dont work anymore...
Why dont u let me go?
Why dont u wanna fix it?
How can u fix something that has been broken for such a long time...
How can u fix me, so i dont cry anymore...?
How can u fix me, so i dont feel like shit ever again...?
U excuse urself for ur behaviors...
How many excuses u think i can take?
How many excuses u can pretend?

Boys Like Girls - Me, You and my Medication

2009-03-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

I just relate a lot to this song, it captured my feelings so well...

Found my way to the highway, I don't wanna tell you the state I'm in
I've had too much to smoke, too much to drink, where have I been?
I feel like the stars are getting closer and the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin

We're all looking for something, to take away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

The way back to the right track, maybe you can help me find the door
Is it too much to ask, too much too fast, too much to ignore?
It feels like your body's getting closer but you seem so far away
Medicine make it ok

We're all looking for someone, to take away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
Can you hear it?
Can you hear me screaming?
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
I wanna hear it
Wanna hear you breathing

We're all addicted to something, that takes away the pain

Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication

Automatic Loveletters - Hush

2009-03-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

I just love this song, the lyrics...really nice song.

This is as quiet as it gets
hush down now
go to sleep
we were once perfect me and you
will never leave this room

H H H Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends

This is the calming before the storm
this absolution is always incomplete
its always bittersweet

H H H Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends
H H H Hush this is where it ends

I wont make a sound so you don't wake
don't wake don't wake you don't wake you don't wake

Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends

H H H Hush this is where it ends
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends
H H H Hush this is where it ends
This is where it ends

No words...

2009-03-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

There is nothing left inside my heart...
Everything is broken...
Everything is crushed...
There are no more tears left inside...
Im empty...
Shallow...
Ive become selfish...
Ive become nothing...
I stared at the wind...
Just sat there until something new comes my way...
Someone to save those little pieces of me...
Im shattered...

Carta a U KNOW WHO U ARE...

2009-02-18T13:23:00.000-08:00

Creo que ya estoy lista para dejar de escribir acerca de ti, de como lo que nos une ya no funciona de como ya nuestros corazones no laten al mismo ritmo, de como estoy harta de ser la segunda a la cual saludas, de que me llames 2 horas despues de llegar aun cuando dijiste que lo harias de inmediato, de que me hables con fastidio, de que ya no te importe si me siento mal, de que me andes diciendo que no te guste como visto, de recomendarme lo que debo o no comer, de que me digas que estoy subida de peso, ya.
Llegue al limite, estoy lista para dejarte de una vez por todas, merezco ser feliz con alguien que me aprecie, di todo de mi y no recibi nada a cambio, te crees mejor que yo, crees merecer todo y no es asi lo unico que haces es exigir, nunca te mereciste todo lo que te di, te puse por encima de todo lo que es importante para mi, que lastima que me haya dado cuenta tanto tiempo despues, me siento como una tonta...
No me mereces, no mereces nada, tu actitud es lo peor te crees que estas muy por encima de todos los humanos, crees que mereces lo mejor, sabes que? Lo tenias y lo dejaste ir.

...Missed words...

2009-02-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

All this time...
All this months...
All this weeks...
All this days...
All this hours...
All this minutes...
All this seconds...
Everything we have done, sums to this...
Lost sights...
Lost words...
Every little thing we have said, became a lie, a memory in the back of our minds.
Now all seems like a waste...
A waste of feelings, words...love.
Too many forevers...
Too little lies...
I loved u, but what that means now?
Nothing...

Ya...

2009-02-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

Odio sentirme asi, tengo ganas de desgarrarme el pecho y sacarme el corazon, es que no ves lo que estas haciendo.
Como pudiste algun dia decir que me querias, este patetico circulo monotono en que nos hemos reducido.
No quiero sentir.
No te quiero amar.
Duele demasiado.
Que alguien me ayude.
Saquenme el corazon, necesito sentirme bien.
Tengo un gran peso en mis hombros.
Nunca soy suficientemente buena para ti.
Que yo te he hecho para que me trates asi?
Necesito no amarte.
Necesito no quererte.
Saquenme el corazon, me estoy quemando por dentro.
Quiero sonreir de verdad, odio sentir tant tristeza cuando deberia de ser feliz.
Odio sentir que tengo que ganarme tu amor.
Saquenme el corazon no quiero sentir, no quiero vivir.
Necesito dejar de respirar.
Como me puedes ignorar?
Me lastima tanto que esta es la forma en la que demuestras amarme.
Me quiero ir.
Desgarrenme el pecho, saquenlo de aqui.
Necesito no sentir, estoy harta de tratar, ya no quiero esto mas.

2009-02-01T16:40:00.000-08:00

What if i disappear?
Leave u finally alone...
No more pretending we are in love...
No more fake kisses no more empty hugs...
A million years since the last i love u...
A billion years since the last real kiss, eyes closed and smile afterwards...
I miss just staying in bed,waking up to ur eyes, the way u used to smile...
I miss feeling loved...

Nothing

2009-01-31T19:30:00.000-08:00

When i do it, i stared at it...
The way she looks, so thin and red, the smell...
I love it, i watch her slide through my flesh...
How she sinks and brings out my tears, my pain...
Hypnotized, my blood mixed with tears...
I grab her again, one more little line in my skin...
Such a wonderful thing, she helps me like no one does...
She lifts me up...
I look at her flowing, coming out, my skin itching, my heart beating...
I close my eyes and enjoy the pain...
My tears just fall until i cant breath no more...
Should i do it vertical?

So many ??

2009-01-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

What do u do when love is no longer what keep us together?
What do u do when that love its not real?
How do u face the end of the pretend happiness?
What do u do when u realize it was all a lie?
A sweet kiss under the sheets, so no one would see...
A 3 seconds call just to let u know he got home...
What do u do when u are sure, that it isnt love anymore?
So many kisses after, u say i didnt mean it?
Maybe this isnt meant to be...
Maybe i was kidding myself pretending this love was real...
That u truly wanted me...
Im not blind anymore, i see the reality...
I see now that this was never meant to happend...

...No sabes nada...

2009-01-30T18:14:00.000-08:00

Me sente en la cama, me converti parte de la maldita oscuridad...
Escuchaba las gotas de agua estrellandose contra mi ventana...
No se como paso, estaba confundida, sollozando tranquila...
La vi, tan seductora como antes..danzando ante mi, mostrando su brillo cegador...
Tan delgada, tan limpia...
No pense mas, la tome...
Se sintio bien, como ella entraba en mi...
Su sutileza me conmovio, mis lagrimas caian mientras yo la acariciaba...
La sostuve por un largo rato, la miraba y ella a mi...
Entendi, que sin importar lo que pasara ella siempre estaria aqui...
Dispuesta...
Contenta...
Desinterada...
Ella es solo para mi.

Emotionless days...

2009-01-12T18:01:00.000-08:00

I stopped...
Thinking...
Breathing...
My heart stopped beating...
Everything is a blur...
I keep reaching in the dark, for that little release...
I wanted my tears to fall down but they wouldnt...
I wanted my arm to be scared, but she was nowhere to be found...
I yell, crawl, i wanted to hurt myself...
Release some of my pain...
Carf my pain onto my arms...
Watch the blood coming into the surface...
That little red line, tells me everything will be fine...
That little red line, tells me there isnt anything to be scared about...
I dont wanna breath...
I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up again...
If i push her enough she will save me from my pain...
If i cry and beg, she will help me...
I feel so useless...
So empty...
So lonely...
And to think that once that person claimed to love me...
Come dear friend, lets take a ride...
Release my pain, show me the true color of my pain...
Let me see the bloody red.

Goodbye...So long.

2009-01-12T15:46:00.000-08:00

I gave u a piece of paper, with my heart pour in it...
But u didnt bother to read it...
Claimed u dont like my writing and u prefer when i speak...
I was trying not to make it so painful...
I was trying to fix things...
How come u cant accept ur guilt?
Why cant u apologize like u really mean it?
Is this ur way of showing how much u love me?
I dont believe u, im just a game...
A game ur not good at losing, u dont wanna leave me, in case someone else comes and wants me...
Such a selfish man...
I gave u everything...
Never ask for anything...
Just in the end u realize i wasnt messing around...

Goodbye!

Sick love

2009-01-10T15:40:00.000-08:00

If i could delete something from my mind that would be you...
I hate myself for loving you...
When i think i can let u go, u come and drag me back in...
When i think that im moving on, i stay still...
U are the sweetest drug...
Why cant i let u go?
I hate loving u...
U hurt me...
Im still here...
Waiting for the next punch, the next time u decide that i should disappear...
Im still here, waiting for u to recognize that u need me...
I hate myself...
Its ur fault my dear...

Heart Broken

2008-12-24T22:14:00.000-08:00

Todo termino en un abrir y cerrar de ojos...
Las caricias no eran iguales...
El amor ya no estaba alli...
Las palabras dejaron de ser dulces...
Ya no sentias mariposas al verme llegar...
Ya no sentias dolor al verme partir...
Todo se fundio en la monotonia...
Se acabo mi razon para ser feliz...
Nunca pensaste en cambiar un poco...
Todo lo hacias para salir de mi...
Ahora me pregunto si alguna vez fue cierto, que estabas enamorado de mi...

Decirme que sabes que me has lastimado no me hace sentir bien...
Decirme que podemos seguir siendo amigos, solo lastima mas mi ser...
Hubo algun momento en tu vida en el que realmente sentias lo que decias?
Ahora se quien eres en realidad, y ya jure no volverme a enamorar...
No quiero derramar lagrimas por una ilusion...
No quiero derramar lagrimas por un falso amor...
Quedate con tu lastima, algun dia te sentiras como yo...

Almost 21

2008-11-20T17:55:00.001-08:00

It has been such a long time since that first kiss...
Under the green coat...
Sparks flying all around...
That first hug...
The first time i called u mine...
Our first night alone...
That first fight...
So long ago...
How did we made it this far?
When was the time u said u wanted to be with this crazy gal?
Ur blue beautiful eyes...
Ur white skinny arms...
Ur tight like butt...
Do u still love me so?
21 month dear...
How much more can we go?

Hamlet

2008-11-20T14:53:00.000-08:00

This is from Hamlet, act 2 scene 2.
I was reaserching and found this, love it...hope u guys too.

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.

Im so sick

2008-11-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

Im so sick of her...
Her face...
Her voice...
Her stupidity...
Im so sick of him...
His stupid face...
His bad jokes...
His feelings for her...
Im so sick of them...
Why cant he see what he does to me?
Im so sick of him pretending everything is fine...
Everything is neat...
I want her to fade...
Delete her from my life like a bad movie...
Delete, i wanna forget...
Im sick of this scene...

Mixed feelings...

2008-11-16T18:07:00.000-08:00

The breeze on my hair...
My hair on my face...
Blinding me...
Choking me...
The pain consumes me...
The sky turns gray while i think of u...
My heart beats when i see u...
I see the ocean...
The way it crashes into the rocks...
So free...
I feel so empty, yet so full...
So confused and yet im clear...
So sad and yet filled with joy...
What is happening to me?

Sewer Walking

2008-11-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

You and me, we used to talk
Like a river underground, the sewer where we used to walk.
The hole at the end empties out to the pier
Where paperboats disappear

Me, I try to send this note,
Float it like a paper boat,
But paper sinks and words are weak.
I try but I don't speak

Join together in the silent snow
Turn our faces up to see
Not endless night, but day
A pier
And you and me, talking.

What i am to them

2008-10-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

A plague...
A wreck...
A piece of shit...
A black staind on the carpet...
A ugly blur in the back of the picture...
Poison ivy in a beautiful prairie...
Gray clouds in a sunny day...
A bad person standing behind her...
A black heart...
Deceiving reasons...
Lies...
A bad person...
An error...
A virus...
Standing in the back, listening to them brag...
U win...
I back down...

The end.

2008-10-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

The end of an era...
The end of a love...
The end of a frienship...
The end of us...
People in between...
People all around us...
Saying what is wrong about us...
The end of laughter...
The end of kindness...
The end of the best in the world...
No one sees beyond the face...
No one sees beyond the race...
No one sees they are hurting us...
No one sees the good inside...
They just criticize...
So empty, their minds...
So empty, their souls...
They just wanna brake us up...
The end my friend...
Hope ill see u again...

The end will come.

2008-10-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

The end will come...
We will no longer be friends...
No longer be together...
The end will come...
That day when she finally takes u away...
She makes u decide between her and ur friends...
The end will come...
The day u realize, that she is really evil inside...
When u see her real heart...
The end will come...
When i no longer cherish ur company...
Cherish ur kiss...
The end...
That day...
Is so near...

Dear Mr. President - Pink

2008-10-04T19:23:00.000-07:00

This is a song that i just heard in an episode of the L word, and i just loved it, speaks the truth Pink as always rocking her mind out, love her...SHE IS NOT POP, at least not to me...
ENJOY!

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?

Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye?

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear Mr. President,
You'd never take a walk with me.
Would you?

The evil inside

2008-10-04T15:02:00.000-07:00

Hipocrit...
Liar...
Deceiver...
Manipulative...
So many things inside one person...
Such an evil soul...
Such a dark twisted mind...
Hidding behind ur good girl mask...
U hide a devil, anxiously waiting to come out...
Thirsty, waiting for her revenge, killing the ones who took her "pride and joy"...
Her little toy...
Her puppet...
The strings are broken and she is freaking out...
The devil is almost coming out...
The sky is trembling...
The night gets darker...
The evil in her is approaching...
Look at those eyes, filled with hate...
Look at her claws ready to kill...
Get out of ur angel body and show urself, hipocrit little bitch...

Take me away

2008-10-03T07:17:00.000-07:00

Take me away...
I feel so empty...
Take me away...
I feel so sad...
Take me away...
I dont wanna breath...
Take me away...
I no longer wanna exist...
Take me away...
I dont wanna live.

So many things...

2008-10-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

U taught me how to love...
U taught me how to care...
U taught me how to smile...
U taught me how to live my life...
Can u tell me, how to fall out of love?
Can u teach me, how not to care?
Can u show me, how to be mad?
Can u tell me how to die?

What do u do?

2008-10-02T18:10:00.000-07:00

What do u do, when u feel so down that u cant go up?
What do u do, when that person that u love stabs u?
What do u do, when the good inside u turns bad?
What do u do, when no matter how many times u cut, u cant feel?
What do u do, when u dont wanna live?

Me, u, me (Spanish)

2008-10-02T17:59:00.000-07:00

Como sabes lo que siento?
Sabes lo que senti al verte ahi tirado?
Sabes a que sabian mis lagrimas, esas que no viste salir?
Estabas muy ocupado llenandote de lujuria...
Cubriendo tus necesidades...
Por que siempre es en ti que hay que pensar?
Algunas vez te detuviste a analizar?
Algunas vez pensaste en lo que me hacias a mi?
Siempre son tus sentimientos...
Tus necesidades...
Mis dramas...
Mis lagrimas...
Mis cicatricez...
Mis deseos de morir...
Ves que no siempre se trata de TI!?

Que haces?

2008-10-02T17:46:00.000-07:00

Que haces cuando ya no queda nada?
Ni la felicidad que los unia...
Ni las ganas de estar viva...
Que haces cuando ya no sientes nada?
Ni las ganas de reir...
Ni las ganas de vivir...
Que haces cuando todo se ha ido?
Las personas que querias...
Las personas en las cuales confiabas...
Que haces cuando ya te quieres ir?
O te abres las heridas...
O te cortas unas nuevas...

The start

2008-09-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

That sweet kiss...
The empty classroom...
No one to witness our love, our lust...
Nervous hands...
Nervous touch...
Laughs in the back of our minds...
No one knew how long will this last...
Years have gone by...
Months and months and i still dont see an end...

That first night...
Our naked bodies laying on the floor...
Nervous laughter...
Curious hands running wild...
That sweet night, we became one...
That sweet night we confesed our love...
We made a promise to never leave each other side...

A sweet kiss...
A sweet touch...
Forever we belong...

How long?

2008-09-27T17:20:00.000-07:00

How long should i wait until u finally realize what u feel towards her?
How many kisses?
How many hugs?
How many i love u, do u need until u know?

U always want her around...
U always need her by ur side...
There isnt one conversation in wich i dont listen to her name...
There isnt one day, when its just u and me...

How long til u leave me?
How long until u fall out of love from me?
Is that moment coming soon?

Do u need to make her urs and then see what i mean?
Why do u fight what u feel inside?
Is it going to be like last time, denying things until it was too late...
Until i heard my heart brake...

I need to be sure that im the one u want.

A liar, a men.

2008-09-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

"I cant live without u"...
I touch ur face, ur lips...
Touch ur body, too beautiful and i cant resist...
So many feelings buried inside me.
I pretend to love her but ur the real one for me...
Ur smile, ur laughter, ur sweet kiss.
Ur hair, ur smell, ur lips...
I like her...
I love u...
So confused...
Should i bare my soul and choose u?
Maybe u wont choose me...
U have him, why can u realize that we are one...
Him and me...one guy.
I like her...
I love u...
How long til she sees through out my lies?
How long til my guilt eats me alive?
My love...
I like her...
I love u...
With my eyes shut i kiss ur lips...
With me eyes shut forever is our kiss...
Ur soft skin...
I like her...
I love u...
Im so confused, but im sure that "i cant live without u"...

...

2008-09-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

For you, my heart...
Ripped from my chest.
Eviscerated, I am.
And if I could, I would plunge my fingers...
through my chest and rip out my heart and give it to you.
A pulpy mass... of morbid diathesis.

In addition to my heart, there are some small organs I want to give you: glands, sweetbreads, variety meats.
I'm offering these gifts.
Rare gifts.
I know that they don't amount to much in the face of what you've given me.
I've heard these organs can't survive outside the body for more than a few hours.
But I'll try to get there as soon as I can.
Whatever happens, it will be on me. On my heart.

Liar Liar - Alexz Johnson

2008-09-19T18:36:00.000-07:00

Im feeling so fucking depressed, i recently broke up with my boyfriend, i dedicate this lyrics to him...

You said I was your everything,
You said I was the one,
You played me like a radio,
You use to love that I had no shame.

Pour my pain into words,
Hold my hand to the flame.

Tell me you'll love me like a star
Tell me you'll want me wherever you are,
Tell me you'll breathe me until your last breath.
Liar, Liar, oh, Liar, Liar.

Bit by bit I feel the draft,
Just sit back and watch it burn,
Hold your eyes up to my veins,
Call out, call out my name

Tell me you'll love me like a star,
Tell me you'll want me wherever you are,
Tell me you'll breathe me until your last breath.
Liar, Liar,
Oh, Liar, Liar, Liar, Liar, Oh, Liar, Liar

[Repeat Chorus]

Liar, Liar.

¿Amor? ¿tu me amas?

2008-09-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

Como alguien que te ama te engaña?
Como alguien que te desea, mira a las demas?
Como alguien que te jura amor eterno, se deja llevar por una calentura?
Como alguien a quien amas, lo dejas de amar?

No se como pretender...
No se como engañarme...
No se como olvidarte...
Como fuiste capaz de mentirme?
Como fuiste capaz de quererme?
Juraste amor eterno y ahora me haces esto...
Como me debo sentir?
Como debo seguir?
Como hago para no sentir nada por ti?
Como hago para seguir mi vida sin ti?

Te ame hasta que solo eras tu...
Te ame, te ame, te ame y tu me traicionaste.
Como hago para dejar de quererte?
No quiero quererte...
Dejame olvidarte...

I HATE U!

2008-09-19T17:56:00.000-07:00

Am i so little to u?
Am i so useless?
U hurt me...
Break me...
Did u ever felt those things u said?
Did u care?
U kill everything inside me...
U gave me a piece of misery...
Im so empty...
Im so sad...
I dont wanna live...
I just wanna die...
U hurt me once and again...
U hurt me and this is the end...
The last time, my last laugh, my last smile...
My last breath...
Think of me as a mistake, a blur...

Deseo, quiero...necesito

2008-09-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

Me enseñas a olvidarte...
Me enseñas a ya no amarte...
Quisiera no haberte conocido...
Me has lastimado mas que cualquier persona que haya conocido...
Me has hecho la vida polvo...
Ya no quiero estar aqui...
No quiero vivir...
No quiero respirar...
Deseo que mi vida termine...
Te das cuenta de lo que me has lastimado?
Quiero olvidar que alguna vez bese tus labios...
Quiero olvidar que alguna vez escuche tu nombre...
Quiero olvidar quien eres...
Quiero olvidarte por completo...
No quiero sufrir mas...
No quiero llorar mas...
Estoy harta de ser tu juguete...
Adios, no me busques mas...

¿¿¿...???

2008-09-18T16:38:00.002-07:00

Do u remember that time u said, "i know that u dont love me like i do"?
Do u remember all those things u said bout me talking to other guys?
Do u remember u always said u didnt trust me around them?
How come u never told me to doubt u?
How could ive been so blind?
Am i really so stupid?
Are u really going to change?
Are u really sorry for all the things u did?

This are my questions, feel free to answer...

U said...

2008-09-18T16:38:00.001-07:00

U said u would stay with me until the end...
U said u would never hurt me...
U said i was the one u loved...
U said i will always be urs...
U said i was ur everything...
U said i was the one...forever u and i...
Little did i know that u made her urs...
U wanted her and played me...
When u kissed me, did u think of her?
I drowned in my own sadness...
I drowned in ur pool of lies...
I drowned and u didnt care...
Ur tears dont mean ur sorry...
In ur head is just another play...another game...
Did u ever felt what u said?

U made me...

2008-09-18T16:38:00.000-07:00

U made me cry...cry...
U made me wanna die...die...
U made me hate myself...
In my dreams because of u i killed myself...
U made me sad...sad...
U made me mad...mad...
U made me believe i wasnt good enough...
In my mind i played in a pool of my own blood...
U made me cut...cut...
U made me doubt...doubt...
U made me hate u...
I still do.

Letting go

2008-09-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Im crying now...
Did u even bother in asking me why?
Do u know why am i so sad?
I cant stop my tears from falling?
I cant stop my fears from controlling me...
I know im not inside u, but i can see how u feel...
Im cutting ur chains...
Ur no longer attached, or being forced to love me...
Im doing u a favor, ur free my love...run...
Why take this further when we know it isnt in our future?
I dont want u sitting next to me drying my tears forever...
U deserve better...
Im letting u go...
Goodbye my love...

Nothing (Spanish)

2008-09-07T18:54:00.000-07:00

Sabias que con cada palabra que sale de tu boca me lastimas?
No sabes que antes de dormir pienso en ti y lagrimas corren a salir de mis ojos?
Trato de calmar mi dolor, pero todavia esta aqui.
Me lastimas con cada duda que implantas en mi mente.
Siento esa mirada que me juzga dia a dia.
Todo lo que hago, todo lo que soy, todo lo que fui.
No me quieres como soy, me quieres como deseas que sea.
Odias cada cosa que sale de mi.
Me sigo preguntando si alguna vez sere realmente feliz, esa respuesta esta cada vez mas lejos.
A veces creo que lo mejor hubiera sido no decir que si.
No puedo ocultar mis sentimientos.
Ocultar lo que siento, te amo pero tal vez no es del todo cierto.

Crawling Back To You - Backstreet Boys

2008-09-07T18:45:00.000-07:00

This is a song ive been listening while my country is disappearing cause of the rain, i love it, hope u guys enjoy the lyrics.

Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you
Baby I was wrong
Yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart, I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

I know you're in there and you can make me wait
But I'm not gonna wait
It's the least that I can do, just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell
Girl I know you're mad, I can't blame you for being mad
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and now I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You will see a different man

But baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you (come on)
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in? (let me in)
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you

Banging on your front door (darling)
My pride spilled on the floor
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you, yeah
Now I'm crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Crawling back to you

Questions, questions + questions.

2008-09-07T18:19:00.001-07:00

How can u be so sure of something?
How can u be sure that forever ull want me?
How can u say u love me?
How can u pretend nothing happend?
How can i forget what u said that day?
How can i delete the past and focus on today?
How can i give u my heart when im not sure thats what u want?
How can i love u, if im not sure i forgave u?
I wish i was sure that im the one u love.
I wish i knew how to forgive and forget.
I wish u know how much u mean to me.
I wish u know that for now, this is where i wanna be.
What about tomorrow?
What about them?
What about us?

So many questions and u dont have and answer.
So many things on my mind and u cant help me.

El final (English)

2008-09-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

She said...
Do u ever get tired of people saying we are not right for each other?
He said...
No i love u and i dont care what they say.
She said...
Im tired of believing that this is harder than those cold words.
He said...
What do u mean?
She said...
Maybe is time we call it quits, maybe we should listen to some of the things they say, im not right for u my love.
He said...
I dont understand what u mean by that, are u breaking us up?
She said...
Maybe, im too sick of having to pretend i dont listen when they talk, or looking the other way when they stare at us, im tired, arent u?
He said...
I said i love u and i dont care about any of that. Can u just block them out, i dont wanna leave u because of them.
She said...
I cant, so this is the end, goodbye.

My dear doll

2008-09-05T20:57:00.001-07:00

My dear doll...
He keeps me away from the real world...
He makes me realize that im not alone...
I look at him and all my pain is gone...
My dear doll...
I dont want anybody but u...
Ill never love another guy like i love u...
Even though u cant, hug me, hold me or kiss me, i think ur real...
I dont let anyone in, just u little doll...
U make my dreams come true...
U make me love u...
My dear doll...
Ur more real than a guy with flesh and bones...
Ur beautiful hair...
Ur gorgeous smile...
Ur just so perfect, why bother looking for a breather...
My dear doll...
U make me happy...
U make me sad...
Ur bad for me, but i still wnat u...

Niña

2008-09-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

Retrato perfecto de inseguridad...
Te escondes tras la ropa, te pones una mascara que dice que nada te importa...
Te mueres por dentro...
Quieres ser original, solo eres una mala copia de todo aquello que no tiene moral...
La ropa y los zapatos son tu medio de rebelion...
Te escondes tras tu moña o en tu habitacion...
Que te paso para que tu mundo se volviera de tal color?
Que te hicieron niña linda para que dieras tal cambio?
Todo lo comienzas y al final son solo obras a medio hacer...
Te llenas la boca de excusas sobre por que lo haces...
Niña todos se estan hartando de que mientas tanto...
Todos estan cansados de decirte que eso es malo...
Como puedes pretender que sabes tanto, a penas estas comenzando?
Por que no te muestras tal y como eres?
Demuestra que eres mas de lo que todos creen.

U are.

2008-09-05T18:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i dont wanna say a word...
I just wanna let u guess what it is im thinking of...
I wish things could be so perfect...
I wish time would stop everytime we laugh and touch...
I wish i could go back to that first time u ever touch my hand...
Sometimes i dont wanna be with u...
Others i cant picture myself without u...
Im so messed up...
Im so cunfuse...
Im sorry for all the things i put u through...
U are my lover and my best friend...
U are the reason why i smile...
The reason of my tears...
U are who u are and i love u for that...

De que me sirve?

2008-09-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

De que me sirve desear y desear si nada se hara realidad?
De que me sirve amarte si tan solo me das la mitad?
De que me sirve que me llames tuya si estas dispuesto a compartirme en la cama?
De que me sirve que quieras estar a mi lado, si de alguna manera siempre hay alguien en el medio?
De que me sirve llorar, si no hay nadie que me de consuelo?
De que me sirve explicarte lo que siento?, si nunca entiendes mis lamentos...

Nothing...

2008-09-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

I feel so pale...
So sad...
So unsatisfied...
I feel so angry...
I feel so mad...
Could u ever help me?
I think not...
Back to being depressed...
Back to being insane...
Back to being with u...
Ur all i got left...
I dont feel like laughing again...
I dont feel like smiling again...
I just dont wanna breath again...
My chest hurts...
My life hurts...
I think this is really the end...

Just today...

2008-08-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

I sat alone and cry, when i saw u going through that door not a single word, not even goodbye my love...
This is not what i wanted for myself, a life full of misery and tears...
A life full of disappointment when ur not here...
I feel like shit when im not around u, and yet u leave me like im nothing...
Im just the girl u like to love, the girl u like to fuck...
Do i really mean something, can u send them all to hell and just love me?
Can u pretend am the only one and just hold me?
Not a single tear when u have to leave, and yet u call me a cold hearted bitch...
How is it my dear?
Am i good enough until u decide to disappear?
Or am i just the charity case u decided to take?
Why can i have u just for once?

Conversacion...

2008-08-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

Ella pregunto con cara de tristeza...
Te quieres morir?
Respondio con gran tristeza, si.
Por que?
Nunca me he sentido feliz con mi vida, tal vez por un breve lapso de tiempo siempre he sentido que me falta algo, mi vida es como un slide show de imagenes vacias.
Pocas cosas me hace feliz, muchas me hacen sentir que no valgo nada.
Es como que la vida no tiene sentido, siempre ha sido asi sientes una punzada en el estomago el dolor se vuelve tanto fisico como mental, miras alrededor algo que te quite el dolor, te tumbas sobre tu espalda a contemplar el cielo palido que es el techo que detiene nuestra alma, lo contemplas como si fuera lo mas hermoso y piensas en las razones por las cuales no quieres estar aqui y las que si, las pones en una balanza pero el irte siempre gana.

Desde que recuerdo siempre he sentido esto, han pasado meses sin yo querer ver el sol, han pasado semanas y yo aun sigo llorando, estoy rota y despedazada, pero todavia estoy aqui quiere creer que esto no es mi vida, que solo es una mala pasada.
Te miras en el espejo y odias lo que ves, quisieras salir de tu cuerpo, gatear hacia un mundo nuevo, encontrar ese pequeño lugar en el que te sientes feliz se que eventualmente me cansare de luchar y me rendire ante sus garras y por fin sere feliz, en un lugar donde nadie me juzgue, me odie en un lugar donde yo me agrade.

Yo quiero ser feliz, me rehuso a pensar que mi vida tenga que ser asi.

Wanna swin inside u.

2008-08-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

I die in ur eyes...
Whenever i look at u i dont know if i should smile and say hi...
U make me nervous, u make me sick...
U make me laugh even when im sad...
U make me feel paranoid...
A psycho...
I feel like a stalker whenever im around u...
Want to kick u out...
Want to get u in...
So many feelings i just dont know what to believe...
Do i like u, or am i just being me?
I wish i could swim inside u...
Know ur every thought...
What makes u happy...
What makes u hot...
I just wanna know u...

Falling in or out of love?

2008-07-31T19:37:00.000-07:00

U used to beg me to love u...
U used to ask me all the time...
Now that i cant leave without u...
U no longer want to be by my side...
How do u think this makes me feel?
U spit on my face, telling me im not good enough...
Pretending u want me, while ur waiting for someone else to come...
Why do u like to push me down, make me feel like shit...
How can u tell me u love me, if im just a notch on ur belt?
Ur such a good actor...
Ur such a good thief...
U stold my heart and sold it to the highest bidder...
U stold my heart and shredded to pieces...
U stomp on my soul...
Kill all this love...
I dont know what to do...
I dont know u no more...

Carta a quien interese.

2008-07-28T18:37:00.001-07:00

Hola:

Mi nombre no es importante pero quiero que sepas que de alguna manera dejare huellas en este mundo.
Siempre he tratado de dar lo mejor de mi aunque nunca nadie me lo agradece ni siquiera con una mirada, se que de alguna manera tocare a alguien de tal manera que me recordara su vida entera.
Nunca me he sentido especial, siempre fui mala estudiante en el colegio, vivi mas en la oficina del director que en aula, mi pobre madre cada vez que recibia la llamada no le quedaba de mas que respirar. A duras penas me gradue del colegio aun no se como, estoy en la universidad, soy una estudiante de notas mediocres con amigos que no aprecian mi intelecto o peor aun creen que no lo tengo, mi vida gira en torno a la musica es mi mayor pasion, adoro escucharla, escribirla...
Creo que en alguna etapa de mi vida fui util para alguien, pero supongo que nunca lo sabre, me rodean personas interesadas, chupa sangre, se que poco a poco dejare de existir y solo quedara lo que he escrito aqui.
Mi pequeño pedazo de mundo donde puedo ser yo, puedo llegar a ser feliz...
Quisiera que leyeran pedazos de mi vida y entendieran mi dolor, comprendieran las cosas que me lastimaron y me pidieran perdon, no creo que eso llegue a suceder pero, quien me quita que siga soñando?

........Locos pensamientos (English)

2008-07-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

Im lost...
Laying on the floor...
Looking at the ceiling as i feel so alone...
Where are u?
I cant help thinking ur with her...
I cant help picturing u 2 in bed...
U making sweet love to that bitch...
Im sorry...
I know im being paranoid but i just cant picture myself without u...
Ur kiss...
Ur touch...
The way u love...
Ur sweet blue eyes, ur silky skin...
Without u i cant breath...
Without u i cant be me...
Would u ever leave me?

Nothingness...

2008-07-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

Another day...
Another sad day...
Surprises...
Nightmares...
Sadness...
Happiness...
My life is a rollercoaster...
Where is it going to end?
Now?
Twenty more years?
Am i going to die alone?
So many questions...
So many feelings...
Many things going on inside me...
Too many if u ask me...
When is it going to end?
I cant take one more day of this same shit...
One more day of feeling so empty...
One more day of feeling like...me.

Errores, enredos, consecuencias.

2008-07-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

Me siento vacia...
Sin vida...
No quiero respirar...
No me quiero despertar...
Nunca hago las cosas bien...
Nunca digo lo que es...
Siempre me equivoco...
Siempre soy la torpe en el fondo...
Estoy cansada de que todos me señalen...
De que todos me acorralen...
Que me tachen de ignorante...
Cansada de que me tachen de farsante...
Trato de pedir perdon si me equivoco...
Trato de mirarte a los ojos cuando te toco...
Quiero que siempre estes ahi...
Quiero que siempre seas feliz...
Quiero que cuando ya no este, pienses en mi.

Emotional masoquist...

2008-07-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

I like to be hit...
I like to be used...
I like to be abused...
I wont cry...
I wont say a word...
I wont make a smurk...
Im broken...
Torned apart...
Im an emotional masoquist...
I like to feel miserable...
I like to feel blue...
I enjoy being depressed...
I enjoy being upset...
People call me inmature...
People call me emotional...
People tell me i over react...
I tend to be pathetic...
Excuse everything i do...
Say i cant help it...
Im ok, overall...
Im ok, nothings wrong...
Im ok, there is no need for u to come...
Im an emotional masoquist...
Too afraid to live...
Too afraid to leave...

I Still Love U - Alexz Johnson

2008-07-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

This is just for u my love, stop complaining and just read...

If we walk away now
There's no turning around
Gotta say what I mean
While you're here with me
I'm not sure I'll find words
To cover the hurt
That I see in your eyes
But I gotta try

I know rocks turn to sand
And hearts can change hands
And you're not to blame
When the sky fills with rain
But if we stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you
I still love you

Can you search down inside
Let go of your pride?
If I forget trying to win
And just let you in
I didn't travel this far
To watch it all fall apart
So give me your hand
And take a chance

I know rocks turn to sand
And hearts can change hands
And you're not to blame
When the sky fills with rain
But if we stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you

Riding with me as close as before
Whatever happens, I won't ask for more
Here in my heart from now 'til the end
Flame out or fly, we have to try again

I still

I know rocks turn to sand
And hearts can change hands
And you're not to blame
When the sky fills with rain
But if we stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you
Yeah, I still love you

If we stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you
I still love you

Shadow

2008-07-20T13:49:00.000-07:00

Listen...
Do u hear it?
Its sounds broken...
Torned apart...
Do u know what it is?
Nothing flows anymore...
Nothing pounds anymore...
Its getting weaker...
Its getting darker...
The pain is making him smaller...
I cant feel him anymore...
An intensive pain takes over me...
An intensive sadness tells me this is it...
Im done...
My heart no longer beats...
My blood no longer flows...
Ur pityful love ended all that i was...
I am no longer a person...
Just a shadow looking over ur shoulder...
A shadow with her heart cut open...

»»»»»»Her...Them««««««

2008-07-19T18:28:00.001-07:00

She wants them to stich her lips together...

She wants them to shut her up forever...

(She loves them)

She hates her wronged inner self...

She hates her unstoppable feelings...

(She lives for them)

She cried for the sins she committed.

She cried for the damaged souls...

(She relies on them)

She died because of her emotions...

She died because of her words...

What remains...

2008-07-19T17:18:00.000-07:00

U remained silent...
Thats how i knew this was over...
Thats how i knew i no longer be ur lover...
U had that look in ur eyes, that sais in a million ways goodbye...
I wont see u again, my tears fall i cant stop my pain...
Why does this have to end like this?
Not even a sweet kiss...
Not even a hug for me...
As i closed my eyes, i felt that brezze and as i took my last breath i realize that u werent here...

Insanity...

2008-07-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

Morire con el dolor en el pecho de no saber como suena su voz...
Morire sin saber que aroma envuelve su pelo...
Dire su nombre entre sueños...
Eso sera lo que diga con mi ultimo aliento...
Nunca sabra que lo mire a traves de las ventanas...
Que su nombre en el viento danzaba...
Espero que nunca descubras lo que por ti siento...
Añoraba el dia en el que por fin escucharia tu voz...
Supieras que soy yo, pero ese dia nunca llegara por que mañana amor mio ella no despertara.

Abused...

2008-07-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

Are u tired of using me?
Are u tired of treating me like ur toy?
Arent u sick of me, yelling to stop it please?
Are u still going to kick me while im down?
At least help me to pick up my pieces...
At least help me to fix this...
Like always ur running away when i need u the most...
When i feel so alone...
When the darkness is so close...
When my tears are about to fall...
When the pain is so deep i cant even breath...
When my laugh its in the past...
I feel so abused...
I feel so used...
I feel so confused...
Arent u supposed to love me?
Arent u supposed to help me?
Arent u supposed to be here?

Drowned (Spanish)

2008-07-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

Que bella te vez...
Cuando estas callada y mirandome atentamente...
Tus labios cerrados y el pecho pausado...
Como se veian tus cabellos flotando en el agua...
Tu mirada mientras te sumergias...
Como tus palabras fueron consumidas en ese mar de agua...
Recuerdas tus plegarias?
Como tu pecho se fue aquietando...
Como tus ojos se fueron poniendo opacos...
Tu piel fue adquiriendo ese bello tono azul...
Ver como la ultima burbuja de aire sube a la superficie...
Que pensabas mientras te apagabas?
Mientras tus pulmones se llenaban de agua...
Mientras tratabas de hablar y el agua no te dejaba...
Mi sonrisa de despedia mientras en el oscuro fonde desaparecias...
Te arrepentiste de todo aquello que hiciste?